Lasting Impression

Mama put my pretty dress on me and put a bow in my blond curls.

"Where we going mama?"

"We got to go to a funeral."

"Whats' a funeral?" I asked as she helped me put on my shoes.

"Its' when somebody dies and goes up to heaven to live with Jesus," mama replied.

"Who went up there mama?"

Mrs. Winchester's son. He was groundhog hunting and had an accident.

"Oh."

I forgot to ask my mother what "die' meant. I figured if somebody wanted to live with Jesus they would just throw their clothes in a flour sack and tell everyone goodbye.

When we got to the church there were so many people there that we had to park down the road a ways and walk. I wanted to ask my mother to carry me, but I didn't because I was supposed to be a big girl and anyway mama had another baby in her belly.

Inside the church there were a lot of people. They were whispering and many of them were crying. I started to feel afraid, like when I thought a mountain lion or bear was waiting outside at night if I had to go pee.

Before we found a pew to sit down, I looked the place over real good and I didn't see anybody holding a sack of clothes.

There was a woman who got up in front so all the people could see her. She started singing. Oh good! I was feeling better. I loved music because my grandpa and some others would play their hillbilly music and all of us would be laughing and having fun.

The song was real pretty. " In the sweet bye and bye," was what she kept singing. When I looked around many people were crying even harder. When my mama made a little noise, I looked up to see her crying just like everyone else!  That is when I got real scared and I snuggled closer to mama. She hugged me kinda tight and kissed the top of my head.

A big fat man got up after the singing lady sat down. I remembered my daddy laughing about a fat man at the store. He said that man was as fat as butter.

"Mama, who is that fat man," I whispered.

"Shh..." she whispered back to me. "Don't talk."

Now the fat man started yelling, but people were nodding their heads yes. I guess they like to be yelled at. I sure didn't. I felt like stopping up my ears with my fingers, but I didn't because I thought he might get more mad at me.It seemed like he was never going to stop.I hoped he wasn't mad at my mama.  He sure was mad at somebody named Hell. My mama's name was Helen and when my daddy was mad, he said Hell a lot too.

Finally the angry man hushed and everyone stood up and started getting in line. My mom took my hand and we got in line too.Everyone was walking slowly towards a big blue box down in front but I was so little I couldn't really see what was happening. One long line going forward and one line going to the door.I wished mama and me were in the other line!

When we got up to the big blue shiny box I felt better because no one was in front of us now and I felt like I could breathe better. Mama was looking in the box. I could just barely see over the side. Someone was laying in that box! I got ahold of the side and tried to lift myself up to see better. Mama picked me up and leaned me forward.

He was so beautiful! He had dark hair parted to the side and his skin was a light brown color. I just couldn't understand how he could sleep with all the crying, singing and the fat man yelling. I reached out to touch his face, but mama pulled me back and set me down. Then we were in the line going towards the door. Some of the people whispered something to my mama and some of them patted me on top of my head.
When we stepped out onto the steps outside I took a huge breath of fresh air.


I didn't say a word all the way home. My mama and grandmother were talking about the funeral. They said the boy was sixteen years old and he was hunting when someone shot him. Back at home mama and me changed out of our good clothes. Then she took me out on the porch and tried to explain to me about death. I understood some of it, but at the age of four I still didn't get what all the crying was about.


My grandmother said heaven was a beautiful place. She said the streets were all shiny because they were made out of gold. Our house had two rooms and a porch. My grandmother said we would never be sick in heaven. I had earaches a lot. She also said we would all get new clothes. I had only a few clothes to wear and my mom had to scrub them clean on an old wash board. I tried to help her and it was real hard.

I wanted to go to heaven real bad, but I didn't want to go by myself. I wanted my mama, my grandmother, and my baby brother to go too. I also wanted to see that Whinchester boy again!

 

Aunt Dollie's Look of Longing

     I was almost to church that morning when I heard His whisper. I call it a whisper, but it was more like an overwhelming need to do something different than what I'd planned. I was alone in my car, so I said, "Well I figured church would be the most important place you'd want me to be today. If not then where am I supposed to go?"As soon as those words tumbled out I looked to my left and saw that I was passing the local hospital. Suddenly I knew, that was were the heavenly Father wanted me to be! I turned around in the next parking lot and slowly drove back to the place where my first two grandsons had been born. Who do I know that is in here?.... Then I remembered. My mom had called a few days ago and told me that Aunt Dollie was in the hospital. She said they would be sending her to stay at a rest home in the next day or two.

     Of all dad's family Dollie was most special to me. She had to be up in her late eighties by now and she had recently lost her husband. Neither mom, myself or any of my brothers and sisters had gone to her husband's funeral. Dollie is dad's sister, however dad had passed away over twenty years ago. The rest of dad's family didn't call any of us when Dollie's husband died. I really don't know why, other than maybe they all thought someone else had called us.

      Although I saw first hand how bad it hurt my mom, I didn't realize that it had hurt me too. Now her husband was not my favorite uncle, but I would have been there for Aunt Dollie's sake.  For this reason I had been feeling bitterness in my heart for all of "them" except Aunt Dollie and her daughter. I don't know what happens to me when I see my mama cry. I guess because I know how tender and kind she is to all and then I see her so sad and wounded I just want to punch someone!  Well, that is how I had been feeling and I knew that the Lord did not want me to be having such a hard heart. Little did I realize that morning how the Father was getting ready to give me a special gift!

     I often got to stay with Aunt Dollie some in the summer. She was always good to me and gave me beautiful clothes handed down from her daughter. Sometimes she would buy me a new outfit and I especially loved the shoes she would buy me. Having more than one pair of shoes to wear, back then, was a real status quo. (I still like shoes a little too much !) We always considered her to be well off like some of the others in dad's family. Not us though. We were so poor, and it must have looked rather odd to people, who noticed me in my nice clothes walking beside my three brothers in their patched up jeans and threadbare shoes.

     My heart told me to take my bible inside the hospital and it didn't take long for me to make my way to her room. She was alone and seemed to be resting while sleeping. I placed my bible and purse on the chair and went to stand beside her bed. She did not really look as bad as I'd expected. 

     On their birthdays my mom would drive Dollie and her sister out to lunch. The three of them had a good time together. I'm rather sure it was a disappointment to the sister when Dolly wanted to go to my house for her birthday. I made soup and cornbread and felt pleased that she had chosen me over the usual birthday lunch at a restaurant. I'll never forget that day because just outside the window, while we were eating, I saw my  little hummingbird moth making his usual trek through the flower garden. I pointed him out to her and she thought it was a large bee. I said no. Just watch for a minute and you'll see his tongue dipping in the flower for the sweet nectar. She got so excited when she saw it sip just like a humming bird. She said I had just shown her something she had never before seen! I ended up feeling more like it was my birthday just because she made me feel special.

     I looked down at her small frame sleeping on that raised bed. She looked frail. The recent loss of her husband had taken a heavy toil on her. I didn't want to wake her, so I just stood there whispering a prayer for a few minutes.


     When I opened my eyes she gave me her special smile and said," My Rosie." She was the only person in the family to call me that name. I kissed her and told her I loved her. I talked a little about her daughter and grandchildren. She didn't talk, but nodded her head. Suddenly, I saw it in her eyes. The look of longing to leave this world. I felt there was no need for me to talk, but to share with her the reason the Lord had impressed upon me to stop and see her.

     I picked up my bible, showed it to her, and asked her if she wanted me to read her something. She smiled and shook her head yes. It brought back my memories of bible study and prayer in her living room when I was a young girl. I do not know why I chose this scripture.

     Revelation 3:20-21     "Behold, I stand at the door and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me. To him that overcometh will I grant to sit with me in my throne, even as I also overcame, and am set down with my Father in his throne."

     After this I held her hand and prayed with her. I really don't remember the prayer, except that I asked God to give her peace. She pulled my hand to her lips and kissed it. I kissed her and told her I loved her. 

     About five minutes passed and she suddenly pulled free of my hand and started waving excitedly, like she saw someone up near the ceiling in the right corner of the room. After that she never came back to me. She would nod her head and smile like she understood words that I couldn't hear. As minutes passed it seems she was seeing more loved ones, because she was waving and turning her head all the way across the ceiling.

     I never asked her who she saw. I guess I didn't want to intrude because she seemed so happy.
Maybe it wasn't loved ones she saw. Maybe it was the Savior! Or it could have been her own personal  angel band!             

     I left the room after this and met her daughter and gran - daughter at the elevator. We talked a little and her daughter said the doctor was giving a good report on her mother and she would probably be released the next day to go to an assisted living place. I just told her I would be praying for them.

     About two hours passed and Aunt Dollie went home to be with the Lord. Her look of longing had been satisfied and I am sure she smiled all the way home!



 

Locust Horses at Play

There is a gravel road in western North Carolina named Darkbranch. As soon as you cross the bridge the road gets steep. Shadows from the mountain's trees are cast long, making the road below seem cold and foreboding even in the Summer when there are no icicles hanging on the rocks. I imagine that is how the road got it's name along with it having a stream flowing beside it. The mountain folk called a small stream of water, a "branch". They would walk up the branch to find the "spring" where it bubbled up through the dirt and rocks so as to fill their buckets with fresh cold mountain water. Many of my people have walked that old road and there are many strange and a few funny stories to tell.Daddy pried a huge, mostly flat rock out of the bank. I was only five years old, but I knew enough by then to stay away from him when he was working on something. If whatever it was didn't turn out right he would become furious and throw it or beat it with a hammer. When he couldn't do either one of those things he looked for me and judging by the size of that rock I already knew the first two things were not about to happen. I think I was probably holding my breath for as long as I could, because when that old rock rolled out into the road, I let out a squeal of pure joy. Daddy laughed out loud and my two younger brothers ran over to take a closer look, but me, no I still kept my distance, because at five, I'd already learned to tread softly.That big rock was placed across the "branch" so we could cross over without getting our feet wet.Our little two room house was just a little ways up the side of the mountain. There were only two or three steps up to the porch close to where it was connected to the house, however the other side of the porch was very high off the ground. 

When daddy was gone, momma would let me go under that porch to play. That is about the time when I first started to daydream and try to comprehend some things. I just didn't understand why I got so many whippings. Why did I have to climb up on the apple box and wash dishes? Why did I get smacked when my little brother, Charlie, had a dizzy spell and fell down? I felt like I could only laugh if daddy was gone or if daddy was laughing. I would squeeze into the small space between the wall and the dresser. That was my crying place. My happy place was under the porch when daddy was gone. There I would gather my locust shells and I would build corrals for them. They would be beautiful horses and they all belonged to me! Momma told me how the locust sheds it's skin and leaves it behind because it doesn't need it anymore. She said they were ugly, but they couldn't hurt me.I did not think they were ugly. They were my beautiful locust horses!